Measuring success

Since becoming a mom I have thought a lot about and been faced with the MEASURING STICK. Not the measuring stick we used in school or the one I use on myself but the societal measuring stick. I have to be honest I think we should throw it out. I have always hated the whole "keep up with the joneses" type of stuff that goes on in the world. Until I had Vivian I felt like I was able to stay away from the measuring stick of life pretty well. Aaron and I just tried to beat to our own drum and while at times we started to do the good old compare and contrast with others we, for the most part, have been able to not get caught up in this too much. However now that we have Vivian I feel like the measuring stick is being placed on us and I can't stand it, in fact I hate it.

Why is it that the first question someone now asks me is

"How long does Vivian sleep at night?"

Do you really care how well my baby sleeps? Honestly does it matter much to you? Or is it more about the good old compare and contrast game that gets played?

It is almost as if people placed judgement on me as a mom (and other moms) or as a person based on how well my/their baby sleeps, eats, naps, sticks to a schedule, self soothes etc. When in reality none of that stuff matters...NOT ONE BIT.

Now it just so happens that Vivian sleeps like a rock, eats probably way too much food (she is already 12 lbs...total chunk), naps well, goes to bed at a consistent time each night, isn't fussy, and is pretty much a dream of a baby. However what if she weren't? What if she woke up every hour screaming? What if she had to be rocked everytime she needed to sleep (check it out studies actually show that rocking a baby has many developmental benefits)? What if she were a total thumb sucker? Or how about what if she screamed bloody murder all day long? Would any of those things reflect anything about me as a mom or as person? Or what about Vivian would any of those things make someone think negatively about my baby?

I think the cat and mouse, keep up with the joneses, and good old compare and contrast game is an easy one to fall into and I am doing my best to not be affected by it, however it is like everyday someone asks one of those measuring questions, waits for my response and then proceeds to respond with their opinion and feelings and it drives me bananas!!!

In my opinion the only thing that matters is how well I teach my child the gospel, prepare her for the world and instill a strong sense of identity as a daughter of God. All that other stuff is just fluff, not relevant at all. I understand people are just trying to find common things to discuss however we all know that the questions are loaded and the answers given carry major reactions with them.

Of course there are the good old parenting debates that come up to, you know the ones I am talking about

Do you breastfeed or bottlefeed?

Does your baby suck thumb or use pacifier?

Do you let your baby cry it out?

Does your baby sleep in your room? What about your bed?

All of this stuff just doesn't matter. How about we let people raise their kids how they want to. How about we not give our opinions so freely and quickly to others. There is not ONE right way to do things in life. Everyone does things the way they feel is best for them.

It's easy to say that the hardest thing about becoming a mom thusfar has not been taking care of Vivian it has been dealing with all these things, the opinions given without invitation, the measuring stick, and such. I think it may be a girl thing because guys don't care about any of this. Can girls please be a bit more like guys?