10 fingers and 10 toes

In honor of my lil one's 10 fingers and 10 toes I decided to make two top 10 lists. One is top 10 awesome moments, surprises, etc. The other is the top 10 difficult moments, realities. There is no doubt we are smitten and completely in love.

Top 10 moments, things, etc. since Lil Viv joined our family

1. Watching Vivian track her black and white toys and book with her eyes. No doubt she is loving her developmental toys. It is wild to see how she reacts to the developmental toys/activities for this age.
   
2. Having Vivian respond to my voice and my touch. She turns her head, calms down, or sighs when she hears me or feels me and I completely melt.
3. Bath time is the coolest!!! When we lay her down to get ready for her bath she immediately becomes as quiet as a mouse and when she is in the bath it is like she has died and gone to heaven.
   
4. After her middle of the night feeding Vivian falls asleep on my chest and she is so peaceful and cuddly, I honestly have to restrain myself from squeezing her too tightly.
5. Old man burps and farts!!! Hysterical and wild that this lil body can create such a stir.
   
6. Consistency. So it's funny because her horiscope says that she is a going to be a creature of habit and so far this has been true. She is like clockwork. Of course all of this could change at any moment. But we are enjoying her routine that she has put herself on. She pretty much eats, sleeps, poops and plays at the same time everyday, she even lets us get good sleep.
   
7. Waking her up is the raddest thing and watching her wake up...hearing her wake up even. She makes all these cute noises and moans and does all these huge cat stretches. It is hysterical. It is one of the funniest and cutest things I have ever seen. No lie. Would make anyone laugh. Pretty sure we wake up exactly the same way. When I realized this I about died.
   
8. Bella and Bear love her. When Vivian wakes Bella runs to her bed right away. Bear peeks over her bed trying to sneak a close up view. They are both so loving, protecting and sweet with her. Poor Vivian has gotten many baths from them, however it is great to see how loving they have been.
   
9. I am much more calm than I anticipated. Most know that I am an anxious person, I run a tight ship, and am usually pretty anxious or nervous. However my reaction since Vivian was born is totally different than I thought. I was much more nervous, anxious and uptight trying to bring Vivian to this world that so far the last (almost) month has seemed much easier emotionally than many had prepared me for. Now that she is here I feel this huge cathartic release of tension and feel much more relaxed than I have been in years. I am shocked at how I am responding emotionally.
   
10. That she is all ours. I just look at her and love her and can barely stand that she is OURS. Our baby. Every night after her bath and I give her her last feed before sleep I just hold her while she is sleeping and tell her how much I would pray for her to be OURS and how thankful I am that Heavenly Father has sent her to us. I still just can't believe it.
    

Top 10 difficult realities, moments, etc.

1. Holy MILK. My breasts feel like the size of watermelons and overflow with milk. I honestly feel like a cow. I knew they would get big and full but never did I imagine how big and full. It is wild.
2. Doing the dishes, wash, and cleaning feel fun. FUN? Yeah I know I didn't think I would ever say that. But it feels fun and nice to do everyday normal things. On top of taking a shower, getting ready, going on walks and getting out and about the daily chores are a nice change to my day, sad but true.
3. Back pain. It is getting better as I adjust my positioning, relax the tension when holding or feeding, but WOW. I love stretching at night, rolling out my back on our styrofoam log, it feels so good especially since I couldn't do it as I got farther in my pregnancy.
   
4. HUNGER and THIRST. Yes I am hungry way more now than I was when pregnant and thirsty at all times. I down a huge glass of water at every feeding and more in between.
   
5. Cutting down on my TV watching. I got the impression from so many that we would be watching tons of TV with a baby and that we should start new tv series as we would be up at all hours of the night and have tons of time. But I was so sad to realize that we can barely fit in time to watch a few of our favorite shows. I don't love to watch TV when playing with her and or hanging out with her as I like to be super present with her.
   
6. No more late nights. We do not stay up late at all. We like to get to bed between 10 and 11 so we can get in some good sleep before her nighttime feeding. I feel like I am an old lady!!!
7. It's much harder than I thought to feel like the family is dependent on me. Vivian needs me like I couldn't believe, which I feel is increased when you are breastfeeding. I literally have all the goods that she needs. Of course Aaron plays a key role however I am the one with her all day, I recognize her cues more than anyone and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed knowing I am the one.
   
8. My body which I was pumped to get back after I gave birth feels nothing like my own. While the weight melts off and I am fitting back into my jeans and clothes already, I just don't feel like my body is MY body. Another thing I think is a result of breastfeeding. Every few hours my lil one is attached to me like peanut butter to bread. Would I change it? No way, I love BF, however it just can feel difficult at times.
   
9. Showering is the most awesome feeling thing EVER. I sometimes take 2 showers a day. It is so nice to just feel warm water and relax for a few moments. A shower feels as good as a day at the spa! You know how much I love the spa.
   
10. The morning after OUCH is the best way to describe it. The pain was gone within 3 days, but I was shocked at how I felt that morning after. Completely exhausted and in pain. I had no strength in my legs and arms from pushing and pulling and of course I was in pain downstairs. I never called on so many to do so many favors for me. It was as if every other moment I was saying "_______ (name) can you get me or do this for me?" I was so thankful to feel more capable just a few short days after, but the morning after I honestly thought it would feel like that forever.