10 fingers and 10 toes

In honor of my lil one's 10 fingers and 10 toes I decided to make two top 10 lists. One is top 10 awesome moments, surprises, etc. The other is the top 10 difficult moments, realities. There is no doubt we are smitten and completely in love.

Top 10 moments, things, etc. since Lil Viv joined our family

1. Watching Vivian track her black and white toys and book with her eyes. No doubt she is loving her developmental toys. It is wild to see how she reacts to the developmental toys/activities for this age.
   
2. Having Vivian respond to my voice and my touch. She turns her head, calms down, or sighs when she hears me or feels me and I completely melt.
3. Bath time is the coolest!!! When we lay her down to get ready for her bath she immediately becomes as quiet as a mouse and when she is in the bath it is like she has died and gone to heaven.
   
4. After her middle of the night feeding Vivian falls asleep on my chest and she is so peaceful and cuddly, I honestly have to restrain myself from squeezing her too tightly.
5. Old man burps and farts!!! Hysterical and wild that this lil body can create such a stir.
   
6. Consistency. So it's funny because her horiscope says that she is a going to be a creature of habit and so far this has been true. She is like clockwork. Of course all of this could change at any moment. But we are enjoying her routine that she has put herself on. She pretty much eats, sleeps, poops and plays at the same time everyday, she even lets us get good sleep.
   
7. Waking her up is the raddest thing and watching her wake up...hearing her wake up even. She makes all these cute noises and moans and does all these huge cat stretches. It is hysterical. It is one of the funniest and cutest things I have ever seen. No lie. Would make anyone laugh. Pretty sure we wake up exactly the same way. When I realized this I about died.
   
8. Bella and Bear love her. When Vivian wakes Bella runs to her bed right away. Bear peeks over her bed trying to sneak a close up view. They are both so loving, protecting and sweet with her. Poor Vivian has gotten many baths from them, however it is great to see how loving they have been.
   
9. I am much more calm than I anticipated. Most know that I am an anxious person, I run a tight ship, and am usually pretty anxious or nervous. However my reaction since Vivian was born is totally different than I thought. I was much more nervous, anxious and uptight trying to bring Vivian to this world that so far the last (almost) month has seemed much easier emotionally than many had prepared me for. Now that she is here I feel this huge cathartic release of tension and feel much more relaxed than I have been in years. I am shocked at how I am responding emotionally.
   
10. That she is all ours. I just look at her and love her and can barely stand that she is OURS. Our baby. Every night after her bath and I give her her last feed before sleep I just hold her while she is sleeping and tell her how much I would pray for her to be OURS and how thankful I am that Heavenly Father has sent her to us. I still just can't believe it.
    

Top 10 difficult realities, moments, etc.

1. Holy MILK. My breasts feel like the size of watermelons and overflow with milk. I honestly feel like a cow. I knew they would get big and full but never did I imagine how big and full. It is wild.
2. Doing the dishes, wash, and cleaning feel fun. FUN? Yeah I know I didn't think I would ever say that. But it feels fun and nice to do everyday normal things. On top of taking a shower, getting ready, going on walks and getting out and about the daily chores are a nice change to my day, sad but true.
3. Back pain. It is getting better as I adjust my positioning, relax the tension when holding or feeding, but WOW. I love stretching at night, rolling out my back on our styrofoam log, it feels so good especially since I couldn't do it as I got farther in my pregnancy.
   
4. HUNGER and THIRST. Yes I am hungry way more now than I was when pregnant and thirsty at all times. I down a huge glass of water at every feeding and more in between.
   
5. Cutting down on my TV watching. I got the impression from so many that we would be watching tons of TV with a baby and that we should start new tv series as we would be up at all hours of the night and have tons of time. But I was so sad to realize that we can barely fit in time to watch a few of our favorite shows. I don't love to watch TV when playing with her and or hanging out with her as I like to be super present with her.
   
6. No more late nights. We do not stay up late at all. We like to get to bed between 10 and 11 so we can get in some good sleep before her nighttime feeding. I feel like I am an old lady!!!
7. It's much harder than I thought to feel like the family is dependent on me. Vivian needs me like I couldn't believe, which I feel is increased when you are breastfeeding. I literally have all the goods that she needs. Of course Aaron plays a key role however I am the one with her all day, I recognize her cues more than anyone and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed knowing I am the one.
   
8. My body which I was pumped to get back after I gave birth feels nothing like my own. While the weight melts off and I am fitting back into my jeans and clothes already, I just don't feel like my body is MY body. Another thing I think is a result of breastfeeding. Every few hours my lil one is attached to me like peanut butter to bread. Would I change it? No way, I love BF, however it just can feel difficult at times.
   
9. Showering is the most awesome feeling thing EVER. I sometimes take 2 showers a day. It is so nice to just feel warm water and relax for a few moments. A shower feels as good as a day at the spa! You know how much I love the spa.
   
10. The morning after OUCH is the best way to describe it. The pain was gone within 3 days, but I was shocked at how I felt that morning after. Completely exhausted and in pain. I had no strength in my legs and arms from pushing and pulling and of course I was in pain downstairs. I never called on so many to do so many favors for me. It was as if every other moment I was saying "_______ (name) can you get me or do this for me?" I was so thankful to feel more capable just a few short days after, but the morning after I honestly thought it would feel like that forever.
    

Introducing

She is here and we are in heaven. It is truly incredible.

Here is her story...

The night of 4th of July I started feeling, what can I say, funny. Contractions randomly, sharp pains, and just felt different. I tried to go to bed but there was NO sleep to be had. I was up the entire night.

Tuesday morning the 5th I asked Aaron to give me a blessing as I just felt not right and had the feeling that our lil one was on her way. He gave me a great blessing and kissed me goodbye as he left to go to work. I took the day to hang out. Still couldn't rest though...dang it! So I packed up Bear and drove him to the park. We played a MAJOR game of fetch and he was in heaven. So was I as I knew this may be our last time just us. I then had Young Women's so I picked up some girls and had a fun night of human foosball. I kept feeling just off. I got upset at a couple of the girls and have to give them a bit of a stern talking to. As I was driving them home I joked and asked if they were trying to induce my labor? haha funny....fast forward just 30 minutes. I am on the phone with my mom just chatting, I was sitting at the kitchen table. All of a sudden...a release. I said " mom hold on I think my water just broke." I stood up walked to tell Aaron and I said "yup mom I am pretty sure my water broke, let me call you back." Then it was like the world STOPPED. I told Aaron and I jumped in the shower and he headed straight out to take the dogs out. It was 9:30 p.m. I hurried in the shower as I was group B positive and wanted to make sure I got there ASAP to start the antibiotic IV. We were thankfully all packed, the kitchen table had been the holder of our hospital bag, correction BAGS. We kinda were like "oh my gosh, this is happening." We checked all our stuff, gave the pups a kiss and let them know that the next time we would be home we would finally have their sister.

We got in the car and we were so excited. Thankfully the hospital is no more than 10 minutes from our house, and that is even in LA traffic. We get there and park and head in to the 4th floor and I felt so proud and pumped to walk in and check it and declare "my water broke." They checked me in got me changed and on the admit bed. They tested my fluids and yup that's what it was. I didn't need much convincing as just like they say if your water breaks, YOU WILL KNOW. By 10:30 I had been checked by the Dr, officially admitted and contractions were coming, I was just a 2.

They then take me back to our labor and delivery room. Of course phone calls and texts galore were going out and we were sounding the alarm. At about 2:00 a.m. I decide alright let's get the epidural. I didn't know what this day would entail and I thought there is no way any of us are sleeping if I don't get an epidural. The contractions were manageable at this point, however no sleeping was gonna happen. At this point I have already been up since Monday July 4th and I was BEAT tired. So I get the epidural. Aaron had to leave the room and I felt so calm. I think he was more nervous to leave me. He later told me he paced the halls and actually was jumping up and down seeing if he could touch the ceiling. I worked on arching my back like an angry cat and in went the epidural.

Within a few minutes things were feeling better and the catheter was placed in. Amazing that catheter, it was so cool to not have to use the restroom. I am the pee queen and it was so cool to just not even think about it. Back to the catheter later though.

We turn off the lights, Aar goes on the couch bed and he successfully falls asleep. The heart rate monitor was on pretty loud in the room and I just layed in bed in AWE and EXCITEMENT yet this amazing sense of CALM. I listened to our girl's heart rate all night. I layed there in this dark room, only lit by monitors and just listened and observed my contractions wondering what the day was going to have in store for us.

The morning rolled around and as the sun lit our room the nurses started coming back in to check on me. I was at a 5 at 7 a.m. and then guessed our baby girl would make it here no later than 2. I was continuing to contract every 1-3 minutes on my own without pitocin. I told my nurse, Yvonne, that Dr. Meyers was my dr. She checked and Dr. Meyers was working at the clinic that day, not at labor and delivery though so that meant she would not deliver my baby. Then Yvonne came back in the room and said "so I just called Dr. Meyers and she told me that she loves you so much that she will come and deliver your baby." I just died. Then in walks my mom in the room around 8:30. I was so excited to see her and she was just as excited to see me. She walked in the room with the biggest smile on her face and came right up to me to give me a kiss and a hug.

At about 10:00 a.m. Yvonne came back in and checked me and I was a 10 and 100% effaced. They moved up baby girl's arrival to 12:00. So I called my friend Christin who was going to come and take pictures of the birth and of course called everyone else and updated them via phone calls and text messages. The plan: Dr. Meyers would come over after her morning appts. and help me bring our girl here. It was during this time when they checked me that they realized I was allergic to latex. So the catheter was creating a bit allergic reaction. It didn't hurt but you could see the reaction I guess pretty significantly.

Fast forward to 12:00...Dr Meyers checks me and well lil one is NOT dropping...AT ALL. Dr. Meyers was so sweet and happy and made me feel so calm about everything. She let me know she will check me again after her clinics at 4 and I should then be all good to go.

So the wait was on. It was so cool as we didn't even turn the TV on once. It was like a hang out party all day. Me, Aar, Mom, Jeremy, and Christin (capturing the events of the day) and of course Yvonne.

4:30 rolls around and they check me and guess what? No progress. Baby girl is still not dropping. So Dr. Meyers orders me pitocin, just a "whiff" of it they said. This made my contractions super strong and super close. I felt them and just knew something had to be happening. During this time my sweet mom I swear never took her gaze and focus off the contraction monitor. She was so great. During this time the nurses let me know that my baby is "textbook perfect." She never was showing any distress and her heart rate was PERFECT. Mulberry pizza was ordered and brought by Jer during this time. Of course I was not eating, as I was just having ice chips all day, but the smell was amazing and I was so excited to eat later that night. Nate and Rachel arrived during this time too.

At 6:15 I get checked again and well NO PROGRESS. Dr Meyers informs me that I have just a few minutes to show her that I can push her out else there will need be an alternative plan. I of course ask what she means and she lets me know a C Section. Not that I wouldn't get a C section after all most important thing is a healthy baby and a healthy mom. But I really did not want a c section, especially after 20+ hours of labor. (We later find out the next morning that the dr working labor and delivery that day had started prepping my blood at 2 p.m. for a c section and ordered it at 4:00, however Dr. Meyers called and told the nurses to let him know that she KNEW I could push her out and that he was to not do a c section. I owe it to her for having such confidence in me.) So I almost start to lose it and I look at Aar and I feel tears come but I fight them back as I realized all throughout the day that the minute I got teary I lost all my focus and all my strength. So Dr. Meyers suited up and we got to. Dr Meyers was at my left, Yvonne at my right and Aaron was holding my back and neck. I pushed and pushed for 10 minutes and it was so hard. I couldn't tell if I was doing things right. With every contraction I would push 3 times for 10 counts each. Aaron was right in my ear counting and talking and honestly all I could hear was him. I remember it being bright and him at my right ear the entire time. After a contraction the room became dead silent. All the women in the room would just stare at the contraction monitor and I did not say much. I would keep my eyes mostly closed and focused on my breath to calm myself down and regain my strength. Then I would say "Okay I think this is one coming." They would look at the monitor and say "yup you are right, let's go." Then for the next 30 seconds-minute (aaron counted LONG and SLOW 10 counts) the most exhausting work out would take place. I asked if I was doing it right and Dr Meyers assured I was and let me know that I would be able to do this. I prayed during this time silently, kept focused and just manged my breathing as best as I could. I never let myself go to the emotional part or thoughts of how hard this was, I conserved all my energy for pushing.

About 30 minutes into it the head was coming out and I touched her sweet head, that had BROWN hair!!!

A few more contractions and pushes later and her head came out followed by the rest. I remember them just saying "ok stop pushing." And I was thinking "oh my goodness she is here."

I reached down with my hands and then handed her to me right away. She started crying right away and I was so relieved to know she was healthy and here. They placed her right on me. All covered in her vernix, which was the warmest and softest lotiony substance I had ever felt. I just rubbed her and loved her and kissed her and was amazed. The biggest rush of relief came over me and I just felt calm. For about 45 minutes she just layed there on me and me and Aaron marveled over her. At one point I remember Aaron coming back up to me, as he had walked away for a moment and my mom came in, and when he came back he was just crying and kissing my head telling me how much he loves me. It was perfection!!! He cut the chord and we just snuggled close checking her out. Phone calls were made, my mom held up the phone so my dad could hear her, we called Matt and KT and Aaron called his family.

Finally they took her away from me so they could do all the vitals. Due to her being so healthy they were not worried about her so they wanted me to just hold her as long as I wanted. When they took her off of me I remember just watching everything around the room and sat there so peaceful and content.

Since then our life has been changed forever and we are in love. I honestly feel like she has been here all along. I don't feel so far the big change that occurred in our lives. It feels like the natural progression and feels like this has always been our normal.

We are in love and overwhelmed by all the love and support we have received by so many.