I guess I was a little too confident in one of my previous posts when I said BRING IT ON. I didn't know that would take on a whole new meaning other than just bringing on baby.
Aaron and I will not only be experiencing the changes that come with having a new lil one, but we will also be moving. It happened super suddenly and I have not fully digested it all. Last week Aaron was offered a new job in Orange County. While I am so excited for him and for our family to have Aaron at his new job, I have to be honest and say I am not excited nor am I happy about moving. LA has become more our home I feel than any other place we have lived. Crazy I know since we have lived here for only a bit over 2 years. LA welcomed us with open arms, love, excitement and adventure. It is safe to say that I have become smitten with Los Angeles and the thought of leaving makes me sick.
Now the fact that I am sad to leave LA does not mean that I am not excited for our new adventures, being near some of our other dear friends, and lots of beach days. My sad feelings do not cancel out the positive things in store for us. However, I would not be genuine if I told you I was excited to move and since I would rather be authentic and real I just have to express the real truth.
I am sad and it's okay for me to be sad...I don't need fixing, I don't need to stop my feelings or change them.
I felt ready to take on and face the changes that were on the way with our new lil arrival, however I was not ready for the double wammy!!!
There are so many things that make LA feel like home, here are some of my top favorites:
- Jeremy living on the same street, laundry, dinner, church, gym, movies, you name it we do it every week with Jer.
- Westwood 2nd ward. Can't be duplicated. This will receive a post of its own I am sure at some point.
- My Young Women. The strongest, bravest girls I have met to date. Again will receive more of a post when I am ready to fully process saying goodbye to them.
- Crossfit gym with our crew
- Rancho Park days with Bear
- Food Food Food. LA has some of the best foodie places out.
- LA temple. Everytime I exit the 10 I drive straight towards the temple and it is always followed by a big ahhhhh I am home.
- Friends. Even though it seems like everyone is busier in LA and working later hours and don't have as much time to hang out, you always feel like you have family near by. Everyone is pulled in so many ways yet you never feel alone. It's almost as if everyone in LA is just so happy to find someone else in LA they can lean on and be friends with.
Along with the transition of moving I know I am going to be going through an intense transition of my own identity. I knew it was going to happen when we had our lil one. I stopped work two months early so I could get in the groove of not working and having that BE who I am. However, I had YW which kept me just as busy as my full time job and I didn't have to fully face the transition of being a career woman to a full time mom. Not that being a full time mom is not amazing, rewarding, and of upmost importance, so please do not start to read into what I am saying, it is just for me I knew it was going to be tough from going from my thing that I excelled and was amazing at to something new that meant the other part of me would be put on hold for awhile. Now I am still a therapist and can't wait to finish my CA exams so I can figure out private practice (another thing I had almost all the way figured out here in LA, so gotta start over the connections and plan for our new location) however I am on hold for a bit while I raise our lil one and finish my exams. Now with moving from LA and away from YW (yes there were not plans to release me when baby girl came) I am faced with change in identify. I know I am still who I am, just going to be a little different for some time when everything I am used to, love, and am passionate about is taken away. Of course I am reminded I will have lil viv to be passionate about!!!
Is any of this making sense? If you are still reading then I am impressed. I know I just need to get it out at some point so this post is a good starting point for me.
So you may be wondering when is all this taking place? ha GOOD QUESTION!!!
We are thinking after the baby is born we will make the move down south. We will be checking out places this weekend and see what we can find and then after that I will put it all in Aaron's hands to finalize. Number 1 priority for me is to take care of our lil one in my belly for the next 4 weeks and have a healthy delivery. I did pack a ton this week (kitchen and all my clothes) and all the baby stuff is organized, washed and ready so I am not feeling overwhelmed with the physical act of packing, loading up and such. It is the emotional part I am most concerned about.
Here's to the next wild 6 weeks or so.
